Christopher Masterson—Malcolm in the Middle, Scary Movie 2
It’s important to remember that Dan’s heart is always in the right place. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for other parts of his anatomy. After 3 months in a sexless marriage Dan finds himself in the throws of casual sex with none other than his own sister-in-law. Always wanting what’s best, Dan sets out to make things right by evening the score…which of course means, finding the right guy to bang his wife.
Bijou Phillips—Bully, Hostel II, Choke
Dan’s sexy wife who’s since become the resident prude after exchanging their “I DO’s.” Imagine being married to a Goddess, but you’re not allowed to touch her. But Marcy clearly has demons of her own and it’s only a matter of time before they surface. Throw super hunk Mack Mackenzie into the mix and you’ve got yourself one mixed up gal.
Patrick Warburton—Seinfeld, Rules of Engagement, Family Guy
He’s been called “the greatest actor” of our time. Of course he gave himself that nickname since the only people who have ever seen him act are the early bird “dinner and a show” crowd from your local senior citizens center. Currently he’s performing the Kevin Costner role in a stage adaptation of “Waterworld: The Musical.” When he’s not acting he’s chasing tail. And it’s Marcy’s tail he wants right now…
Morris “The Executioner” Rodriguez
Danny Masterson—That 70s Show, Yes Man
You might have seen his infomercial for his law firm between the hours of three and four in the morning. Still looking for his first actual divorce case, Morris is hoping to cash in on his good buddy, Dan’s, marital woes. Again, with friends like these, who needs…
Samm Levine—Freaks and Geeks, Not Another Teen Movie, Inglorious Bastards
Dan’s right-hand-man. It’s Mike’s genius idea for Dan to “even the score” by finding another guy to bang his wife. Mike is definitely that friend who convinced you to place that flaming back of dogshit on your principal’s doorstep. Also, Mike is definitely that friend who had sex with you mother. With friends like MIke, who needs…
Kyle Howard—My Boys, Orange County, House Arrest
Don’t let his dead-behind-the-eyes stare and ridiculous wardrobe fool you—Ed really is an idiot. But he’s a lovable idiot, which is why we don’t mind when his two best friends [his balls] make the occasional appearance.
George Segal (Academy Award Nominee)—Just Shoot Me, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolfe, Look Who’s Talking
He’s not the kind of father who would coach your soccer team, but he would hit on the barely-legal daughter of your coach. Bottom line, if you’re looking for a role model figure, look elsewhere. If you’re looking for someone to do body shots off of naked co-eds with, he’s your man.
Lauren German—Hostel II, The Dark Country
Marcy’s sexpot sister and Dan’s sexually harassing boss. There’s definitely a screw loose here but what she lacks in sanity, she more than makes up in crazy sexuality—you might get her into bed but there’s no promise you’ll be walking out of that room without a limp.